Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Majestic Voyage

What happens when you're given a full sheet of coupons from Long John Silver's? Only one thing is possible: Using them all at the same time. This is an odyssey of epic proportions told in pictures.

This is a sheet of coupons given to me by my co-worker, because she knows that I love Long John Silver's.

I could not hold in my amazement at the sight of these coupons. Only one thought entered my mind as I looked at them: "Can I get them all?!"

So I devised a plan to do just that. I framed the coupons because they are valuable to me, and I put them on the tele so that all men could revel in their glory.

As I lay asleep that night, I had visions of crunchies dancing through my head.

Ahoy! It's LJS off the starboard bow!

This press conference was held outside of the House of Treasures itself in commemoration of the events about to transpire. Overlord brought only the finest of his bounty of opulent cigars.

Triumph has never been so perfectly depicted.

LJS 4 LIFE!!! right?!

On the doorstep of Destiny. What trials await inside Silver's Lair? You can see a glimpse of Igg, gracious sponsor of the event, in the foreground.

Stepping into Silver's Lair. Was I frightened? Not at all.

Negotiating with the merchant. This lady was really awesome. Technically we could only use a certain amount of coupons per order, but she figured out a way for us to do it since we brought a lot of voyagers along with us. Here she is kindly asking me how I want to Mix and Match the fish and chicken in the 8 piece family meal.

Here I must choose between 2 fish and more meals, 2 chicken and more meals, or one of each. It was slightly after this, after all the coupons were through, that she asked if I would like anything else. "Yes," I replied (of course). "Some extra cruchies, please!"

The framed receipt. Can you tell that I like Long John Silver's? Maybe.

The pirate's booty!
1 heaping plateful of fish.
1 heaping plateful of chicken.
1 heaping plateful of shrimp.
1 heaping plateful of hushpuppies.
1 heaping plateful of crunchies.
1 LJS container with both sides heapingly filled full of fries.
2 baked flounder.
1 unknown "baked fish" laid on a bed of white rice.
1 fish sandwich.
1 piece of chocolate pie.
2 corn of the cob.
6 coleslaw.
and enough condiments and eating utensils for a crew of buccaneers.

Table set filled with fried gold! I cannot describe the extreme amount of hunger a human feels when entering a room filled will LJS such as this. But I will never forget it.

You may ask, "Where are the dragons protecting this great fortune?" Sadly it was our duty to consume every last bit, so we felt no dragons were necessary.

I can understand if you are jealous. It is not in every lifetime that one comes across such glory.

Salivating isn't it?!

Mogis's treasure. Pure ecstasy.

I have no excuse or explanation for the crazed look in my eye.
Honestly, it kind of scares me.

This is my very first bite of the pirate's feast. I believe it was a shrimp! MmmmMmm!

Overlord couldn't be more pleased. This is a photo of him munching on his first handful of crunchies. After this, he moved on to a piece of delicious piece of golden brown fish.

The crew post-meal. A feast such as this takes a lot of a crew. Here they digest in ultimate bliss.

Mogis in a post-meal digestive coma. During times such as this there is no time to check if your pants are riding low or not.

It was a mighty feast. And we were up to the challenge! Never again will this much LJS be eaten at once. History will prove me correct.

A landscape of LJS memories.
This photo brings a tear to my eye. I look at this picture, and I think of everything that had to happen to create this great event.
I had to be given a sheet of coupons at my work. Then I needed an occasion to bring an entire crew together. Then Igg graciously offered to fund the entire voyage.
The adventure was not easy either.
We had to have people sit on each others laps to get there.
But it was worth it, even though we were terribly cramped.


myuglyface said...

Truly an adventure of extraordinary crunchiness.

Ms. Caroline FB said...

Brilliance. Sheer brilliance. You rock!

Jason said...

Many moons ago, during my freshman year at College, two friends of mine and I ordered 24 Chicken Planks (when they were still Chicken Planks) after we took part in a 24 hour fast for charity. Your noble post reminded me of that bacchanalian event so long ago, nearly lost to the mists of time. Thank you!

Hamburger Jack said...

Respect! Respect!

Stevie said...


I sit here weeping; an utter emotional wreck as I take in the devotion displayed in this miraculous and, at times it seems, metaphyiscal gastronomical adventure carried out for the edification of and devotion to, us your dear readers.

As I witnessed each and every living, breathing picture, I felt as if I too had been with you as you experienced surprise, excitement, nervousness, euphoric anticipation and, ultimately I believe, salvation and redemption. And oh, the picture of the after halo, wherein you and your honorable compatriots experience what could only be the unmistakable mark of gastric cacophony, led me, your dear reader, to a full-on ephemeral bliss not unlike that experienced when I was first introduced to a man who, for want of me behaving like a proper gent, was first bludgeoned and then bound to a crucifix with wooden nails and taunted as he slowly lay there dying. The metaphorical similarity was not lost on me, your dear reader, as that this LJS outing was at once a search for gastronomic enlightenment, and thence a more metaphysical search for that which brings eternal meaning to the otherwise hollow happenings of our everyday reality.

I thank you, dear sir, and your loyal companeros, for this bit of emphemeral enlightenment and resulting transmutation. ‘Tis not often that, upon researching lagostino “lobster”, am I sidelined by a seeming lightening bolt of awakenence in the form of my fellow man’s selflessness in the pursuit of such divine contrivance.

I remain,

Yours truly,